The Job Without A Paycheck

Success. We all crave it, and we all work toward it. It’s primarily measured in monetary value—that’s how the world works. You can’t have anything without money, and those tangible objects and material things showcase just how successful you are.

But what happens when your job doesn’t pay? Is it even a job if your bank account isn’t rewarded? Can you call yourself successful if the answer to both is no? Most importantly, how are you perceived without that so-called success?

Here’s the thing: in the eyes of a large portion of society, I don’t get paid, I don’t have a job, and I definitely don’t have success. But do you want to know the best part?

They’re all wrong.

There’s a reason occupations like nanny, daycare worker, and teacher exist—because caring for children is hard work. It requires full-time commitment. The only difference between me and a nanny? They get paid, and I don’t. They also get to clock out—I never will.

So why is it that when someone asks, “What do you do for work?” and I reply, “I’m at home caring for my daughter,” the not-so-subtle, judgmental “Oh, nice!” feels like a punch to the gut?

I’ll tell you why.

Because behind that awkward exchange is someone who assumes I spend my days sitting on the couch, watching TV, shopping, or twiddling my thumbs. They think I mooch off my husband’s success, contribute nothing, and—let’s be honest—probably assume I’m lazy.

My favorite is when someone says, “Why would you put your daughter in school at this age? Especially if you’re home full-time?” My inner response? It’s called Mommy’s Morning Out for a reason.

But instead of justifying my worth, I bite my tongue. I let them believe I live a carefree life, that what I do is easy, and that staying home is only for women incapable of an actual career.

My mom always encouraged me to have a career. She wanted more for me. But why wasn’t her role as our mother and caretaker enough? Because society told her it wasn’t—or at least, that’s how I’ve always seen it.

Not once did I ever think, Wow, my mom is such a bum or She should really get a job and make a name for herself. Maybe I didn’t always give her the kindness she deserved (teenage years are tough, okay?), and maybe I didn’t always express my appreciation for the impact she made on my life by simply being there. But to me, her lack of a “job” left the biggest impression. It mattered. It was more than enough.

The truth is, at the end of your life, people won’t remember you for the fancy car you drove, the Southern Living-inspired home, the luxury clothes, or the 9-to-5 corporate job that made you so successful. No—they’ll remember the kind of person you were. The kind of friend. Sister or brother. Wife or husband.

So, to answer your question—How are you successful, Ensley?

Because I’m rich. Rich in love. Rich in the family that fills my life, the friends who lift me up, and the joy of being a mom to the sweetest little girl. For me, that’s all the success I need.