My First Heartbreak As A Mother

Have you ever gone through a horrible break-up? I'm talking about one of those gut-wrenching, agonizing, soul-crushing break-ups. If you have, imagine that pain you endured, and then multiply it by a thousand. That's how I felt the day that my two-month-old daughter decided that she no longer wanted me.

Okay, I'll admit that I'm being slightly dramatic when I say that. However, at the time that's exactly how I felt. In fact, I've never felt so unwanted in my entire life. The worst part was I didn't know why it was happening. I felt helpless, alone, and heartbroken. So, I'm sure you're wondering what my infant daughter did to break my heart. So, let me explain:

The Day My Daughter Dumped Me

Before I dive in, it's important to note that I'm an exclusively breastfeeding mom. All of her meals come directly from me, and she rarely receives a bottle. I cherish the time spent with my daughter while I nurse her, and being able to breastfeed her has been one of the greatest joys of my life. We have worked hard to establish a good feeding routine.

So, one day I sat down for a nursing session with my baby like I've done a million times already. Nothing was different, except for the date and time. I was looking forward to the quality time with her, but when I tried to start feeding her she rejected me. After multiple attempts to get her to feed, she started crying hysterically. I eventually got her to calm down and decided she was probably just not hungry. I was wrong.

Later on, I attempted to feed her again and received another big fat rejection. The hysterical crying erupted again. Feeling lost and confused, I paced around my kitchen and saw an unused clean bottle on the counter, so I grabbed it and hovered it over my baby's mouth. She instantly took the empty cold plastic bottle over me. My baby chose a bottle over me for the first time and it absolutely broke my heart.

This same event played out multiple times after. It happened so many times, that for several days, I was no longer feeding my baby directly. Instead, I was attached to my pump, crying my eyes out, wondering why my baby preferred a bottle over me. So, like any millennial mom would do I went to find answers on Google. The results didn't mend my broken heart immediately, but they did give me some clarity.

My Baby Went On A Strike

Introducing the nursing strike. A breastfeeding mom's worst nightmare, and the evil event that broke this new mom's heart. For those of you who don't know, a nursing strike is when a baby suddenly refuses to breastfeed for a period of time after breastfeeding well for months. Nursing strikes can be caused for numerous reasons. A few of those reasons include sickness, teething, using a new perfume/deodorant, going back to work, your baby suddenly preferring the bottle, etc. The list goes on.

Eventually, I decided not to just rely on Google to diagnose this issue, and instead paid a visit to my pediatrician, I was informed that my baby was most likely experiencing early stages of teething. As a result, she didn't want to breastfeed and instead preferred the bottle to help massage her sore gums. Thus, solving my heartbreak right? Not necessarily.

Mending My Broken Heart

As a breastfeeding mom (and a mom in general) my biggest responsibility is to feed my baby, and I felt like I was failing. It was absolutely devastating that my baby suddenly no longer wanted to nurse. Something that previously gave her so much joy and comfort now inflicted pain and hysterics. But I had to look past my hurt feelings and make sure my baby got fed. For us, that meant bottles while at the same time attempting to bring my baby back to nursing. So, each feeding session I would shoot my shot. After at least a million tries, I finally scored.

The pain subsided and the teething terrors eventually faded. My baby was finally back to feeding like her old self. My broken heart was officially mended. This was by far the most challenging experience of motherhood for me, but I learned something. It taught me resilience and patience. While the experience was emotionally draining, it strengthened the bond between my baby and me. We navigated through this challenging phase together, and it made our connection even stronger.

To all the breastfeeding moms out there facing similar challenges, know that you are not alone.

Motherhood is filled with ups and downs, but the love we have for our children will always get us through the toughest times.