To My Husband: I Miss The Old Us

I’ve heard it a million times. I’ve heard it said to family, friends, and strangers. I’ve heard it as a line in a movie, and I’ve read it in books. “Enjoy your time now while it’s just you two.” So, when it came time to hear it said to me, I passed it over. I’m here to say that I took that time for granted and at times I've found myself thinking “I miss my husband.”

My husband Paul and I have been together for almost a decade. I don’t know a life without Paul Bloodworth anymore. He’s my best friend, my absolute favorite person, and the most incredible person to ever be a part of my life (Paul if you’re reading this, don’t get a big head). Before we had a baby, we were married for two years. We cooked dinner together every night, had our favorite TV show of the month, and every weekend we would indulge in one of our favorite activities: eating a delicious meal out. We would stay out late hanging with friends, or spontaneously decide to go on a hike, or head to a new town to explore. We took trips together, and on those trips we were planning the next one. I loved every second of those times. I didn’t realize until after having a baby that I would never get them back. At least not in the same way.

In fact, it was ripped away from us so quickly that I didn’t even notice at first (nine months really does fly by). Once we had our baby, we were thrown into the deep end of parenthood. We survived childbirth together (he didn’t faint thankfully) and we were working each day as a team to keep our sweet little girl happy and healthy. Our teamwork was so flawless that I eventually thought, “wait a second. Where is my husband? I miss him.” It’s so easy to lose yourself in parenthood, and more importantly each other. You’re so busy just trying to survive it all that you forget about the old versions of yourself. The ones that’s fell in love. It’s hard enough to take a shower, let alone hold a normal conversation with your spouse that isn’t about your kid. It was sad. I found myself mourning my old relationship and missing what once was. But you know what they don’t tell you in that old saying, “enjoy your time now while it’s just you two”? They forgot to add, “because once you add that little one, you’ll fall in love all over again.”

Now, I don’t mean fall in love with your baby. There’s no question we both fell head over heels in love with her. However, I mean I fell in love all over again with Paul. Watching your husband become a dad is an unexplainable love. To see them adore and care for the life you created together makes your heart so full. They suddenly turn into the best versions of their selves and you get to witness it first hand. Paul is the best example of this. He is the most amazing dad to our baby girl. In the early days, he changed all of the diapers, and woke up with me all throughout the night even though I was the one feeding our baby. He never misses a doctor’s appointment and never misses the chance to give our baby a kiss. He always tells her how beautiful she is and that he wants to keep her safe forever. If we are in the other room, he texts me and says “I miss y’all”. This love fills my heart and it’s honestly better than what I had with “just us”.

Our once couples hikes have now turned into our little trio, and our dinners out are a little earlier but that much sweeter with our precious baby smiling at strangers passing by. My love grew for Paul the day our baby was born. I mean how could it not? He gave me my most precious treasure in life: my sweet Avaline. Yes, I do miss our “just us two” life, but I wouldn’t trade it for this sweet family of mine that I’ve been blessed with. So, don’t take your last moments together for granted, but know that what’s waiting for you on the other side is filled with more love and joy than you could ever imagine.